Make Good Choices!

As a mother of 4, of course I have friends with children. A long time ago, one of my friends who had kids in middle school and high school (while mine were still little) told me how she would always call out: “Make good choices!” whenever they would leave the house. At the time her kids found this very embarrassing as it was done in front of their friends. Her words of encouragement were often met with eye rolling or “really mom!!!” To this day it has become a standing joke. Even with my horse friends we apply it to our horses in many different situations – like during training sessions, at a show and even when loading a young horse on the trailer. We typically say it tongue in cheek and yet with much truth behind it.

“Make good choices” frequently serves as a reminder to me of the similarities between training horses and raising children. For example you would think that 4 kids with the same parents would have similar personalities right? Nothing could be further from the truth. While with one I may just say “I’m disappointed” and that’s all it takes to correct the behavior the other needs to lose about 15 privileges before taking me seriously. I mean come on! Life for all would be so much more pleasant if that child wasn’t so stubborn!

Similarly I’ve found that while we try to follow the basic training scale and classical principles of training no two horses will respond the same to any given cue. None of my horses have made progress in their training at the same pace. With some I’ve had, the cheekiness just about drove me to the brink of insanity! As in “you want me to lengthen at the canter ok then I’ll run away!” or “you want me to collect and be quicker with my hind legs then I’ll spin and spook”. Next thing I know I’m on the other side of the arena. “You want me to do a flying change I’m going to launch myself through the air!” I must say that particular behavior did teach me to stick with him! It took a lot of time, persistence and patience but this same horse will now hack out anywhere on the buckle, my 9 year old can ride him and he helped me obtain my USDF Silver Medal. The journey from 4 to 10 was a huge learning experience for both of us! Of course I made mistakes but I’ve also learned from them.

So today I had a day off to spend a leisurely afternoon at the barn with my two horses. At the end of the day I can reflect back and realize that both rides were great but in very different ways. My first mare was a bit lazy after having the last 2 days off while I worked. She’s so honest, it starts out as “Do I really need to be in front of your leg?” and I answered “yes, in fact you do” You can almost see her sigh and say: “fine alright!” And then I go: “Good girl making good choices!” Every day I feel her getting stronger, straighter and better overall. There were of course moments that weren’t ideal but looking back on the last 3 months with her, progress has definitely been consistent.

On to the next mare: my overachiever. We typically start just with suppling exercises, serpentines, circles, leg yields and all of that felt great. Then, on to the canter work. Today she just feels a little stuck on the left side of her body and didn’t want to yield to my left leg as I would like. I rarely ride her with a whip as she’s so sensitive I don’t typically need one. Well today I picked it up to remind her how to respond to my leg. We are cantering along, and I asked her with my left calf which got a minimal response so I touch her with my whip. Let me highlight that I TOUCHED her! Well her response was a bit dramatic as she launched through the air with a buck. Ok so there was a little more air between my butt and the saddle than I would prefer to feel. We continue to canter forward as the response she chose is not going to phase me. I didn’t get angry or tense, just responded with “wrong answer!” again left leg on, minimal response, wrong choice- touch with the whip and again the response was to hump her back. Nope wrong answer again. So onward, patiently I ask again, a few more times and finally the correct response! Good girl!!! Now she’s proud of herself because I told her she answered correctly but really did we need to be that dramatic?! So not a perfect ride but I’m certain that tomorrow she will remember and it will be easier. Not perfect, not yet, but definitely progress.

So slowly but surely I celebrate the little things. Patience and persistence pays of with the horses and with my kids. I celebrate that my son woke up made his bed, put his dirty clothes in the hamper and emptied the dishwasher! Hallelujah!!! This took days, weeks, months, possibly even years of “nagging” (or I’d prefer to think of it as persistence.) Just as I’m certain someday my 4 year old son will pick up his toys without argument (or so I hope), some day when I ask for more from my mare whether it’s collection, bend in the rib cage etc she will make a good choice. Even after a slightly frustrating ride I can walk away feeling that we are continuing to make progress. In general I believe my horses want to please, they will let me know when the work is hard but overall we are heading in the right direction. So next time I train my horse I will say “ok lets both make good choices today!”